I Heart My Little A-Holes. Karen Alpert. 2014.

Zoey: Somebody has to come and wipe me because I pooped a big one.

This sentence basically sums up my job description.

When your son wakes you up at 3am because he wants to watch Caillou, he’s an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she’s an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they’re a-holes. And at times like these, it’s only natural to want to kill them. But you can’t, because that’s against the law. Plus, there’s that whole loving-them-more-than-anything-in-the-whole-world thing. 

In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert’s hilarious New York Times bestseller, she shares stories, lists and deep thoughts on the pleasant and unpleasant surprises of raising children.